Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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