We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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