Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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