You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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