'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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