Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
