Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
