it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
