I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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