just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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