I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
