I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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