We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
