found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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