i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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