If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
