My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
