i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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