if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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