...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
