So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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