My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
