woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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