watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
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