he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
sarcasm needs its own font
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
not ubering you a puppy
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize