eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
