Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
