I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
