Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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