Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
