If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I need to align my fucking chakras
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
