I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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