That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
