What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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