thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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