so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
