At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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