ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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