what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
