I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
