doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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