imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
