I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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