I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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