Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
