At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
