i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
