Betty ford says i'm here all night
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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