Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
