I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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