just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
