Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
