How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
