I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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