He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
