So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
