And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We are all done wearing pants today
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
