I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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