i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
