remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
