i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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