We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
