I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
