i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
