Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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