ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
