the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
