Farmville is her only friend.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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