ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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